I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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