i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
