Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
