The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
