I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will pee on everything he values.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
