my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
