Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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