Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
