wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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