I'm gonna have a badass scar
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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