i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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