I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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