im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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