I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
