why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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