first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
