Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My hand turned me down
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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