I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
