Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
