why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
