i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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