some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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