i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So here I am, sexting at work.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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