I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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