Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this will be a night to untag.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
