you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
