and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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