I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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