i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
