Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You need Xanax blowdarts
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
