I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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