i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
