And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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