His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
