Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
