Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
