Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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