I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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