Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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