therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sarcasm needs its own font
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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