he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
