Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
