...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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