i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
