were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
