If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
