My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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