The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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