before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
