i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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