is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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