by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
