I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
