I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
